Making it to the big table

This phrase rings true more with the younger siblings out there. The older brothers and sisters won't understand. Around holiday time when the invitations go out and the head count is finalized the seating shuffle begins. In smaller families, less than eight, there is no sense in reading any further, you won't understand. In my case when we gather the number exceeds 20 so there is a necessity for more than one table, sometimes two or more smaller tables and that is the point of this article. Who sits at the "big" table is typically reserved for the parents, grand-parents, aunts uncles and if there is room some older siblings in birth order.

When I was a teenager this was not a big deal, I was at the smaller, (don't call it the kids table) table with my sister, younger brother and sometimes a cousin or two. We didn't want to sit at the "big folks" table. We were more than happy to sit around card tables in the living room and enjoy our meal in relative peace. As long as the food remained on our plates and not on each other we were pretty much left alone.

Fast forward, grand-parents no longer on the scene, aunts and uncles now living out of town and still I am at the small table around the holidays. The reasons? In-laws. Yep, the brothers and sisters-in-law have taken the empty seats. The older siblings have plopped themselves at the big table and drug their spouses right alone with them. Don't get me started about grandchildren with high-chairs taking up table space.

Still, I am OK with the smaller table reservations. During my college years I was happy to eat my weight in home cooking and my table mates couldn't have mattered less. Nope, the smaller table was fine. I didn't want to answer the endless questions from the grown-ups anyway. (topic of choice: haircut, girlfriends, grades, clothing, music, etc.) The smaller table was still way cooler. And if there ever was something we didn't like on the menu we could pile on whatever we wanted on our plates and pass off anything we didn't want on the plates of the younger ones who had graduated from sitting under their momma's watchful eye. They were so happy to be "independent" they couldn't raise any stink about another helping of oyster stuffing.

Skip to this week, as the family counts off and my folks start rounding up more folding chairs I am going to be sharing the smaller table with my wife of 3 years and eleven months, trying to explain yet again why we aren't at the big table. She is an only child born in Europe and not accustomed to our very odd seating rituals, and only tolerant of some of our holiday recipes. No there seems only two ways I will make the big table at the holidays: attrition (not such a happy thought) and a change of venue, meaning hosting Thanksgiving. Both of these are not likely anytime soon, my mother has been hosting the feast of the beast for the last 50 plus years and there are no signs this will change. She does farm out some of the cooking to those of us who are able, and she has taught most of us on which side of the plate the knife is located. So I will happily spend this Thanksgiving at a folding table enjoying a loud and chaotic meal with my family and I will look forward to Christmas when I will again be at the small table.